Steven Tyler - Does The Noise In My Head Bother You? [book review]

Released in May 2011 and earlier this month in paperback (part of an ongoing series of reviews covering older releases from the past year that "fell through the cracks")

"I've been mythicized, Mick-icized, eulogized, and fooligized. I've been Cole-Portered and farmer's-daughtered, I've been Led Zepped and 12-stepped. I'm a rhyming fool and so cool that me, Fritz the Cat, and Mohair Sam are the baddest cats that am. I have so many outrageous stories - too many - and I'm gonna tell 'em all. All the unexpurgated, brain-jangling tales of debauchery, sex and drugs, transcendence, and chemical dependence you will ever want to hear."

The above teaser from Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler pretty much sums up what you'll get in Does The Noise In My Head Bother You?, his autobiography co-written with Rolling Stone magazine founding editor David Dalton. Tyler, ever the acrobatic wordsmith, lays bare the adventures (and perils) of his rock 'n roll decadence and throws Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry under the bus more than a few times. If even half of what's in the book is true, it's a miracle Tyler is still alive, considering he estimates he's snorted or injected about $20 million worth of drugs alone, along with numerous addictions to alcohol and painkillers. At one point, the band is so brazen about its cocaine use that they're snorting it off the top of their amps during shows.

The obligatory "early years" portion, which finds the man born Steven Tallarico growing up in Yonkers, New York and spending his summers in New Hampshire, can be a bit of a chore to slog through as the reader makes their way to the meat and potatoes of the book - the period after Aerosmith forms in 1970. There's a decent number of reflections on the band's music, with their 70's heyday and late 80's comeback period getting most of the focus. In discussing specific songs or albums, Tyler frequently brings up several lines of his own lyrics; one would expect this, but it gets a little old because he usually comes off seeming just a little too pleased with his verbal wit. This self-satisfied tone also infects a lot of the non-lyrical prose from the book, which is overweight with sex-related metaphors and has an annoying propensity for rhyming, as is illustrated in this excerpt: "Gotta fly back to my hive, talk that jive, and hit the road again with that beautiful, dirty Aerosmith liquid hydrogen snarl that makes the liver quiver, the knees freeze, and the booty shake". I found myself worn out over the course of the memoir's 350+ pages.

The most fascinating parts of the book reveal the contentious relationship between Tyler and Perry, the two main cogs in a band that would appear to me more dysfunctional than most. Friction between the pair has never been a secret, but it's surprising to discover just how deep their bad blood runs. Tyler's side of things paints that of a love/hate relationship that immediately brought to mind Keith Richards' recollections about his relationship with Mick Jagger in his 2010 memoir, Life. Both yins demonstrate a fierce loyalty to their yangs and are hugely admirable of their talents, but are driven batty by their perceived failings. The similarities are even more interesting, considering how the Stones are Aerosmith's biggest influence and were ripped early in their career for being a pale imitation. Aside from their opposite personalities and expected creative differences, one of Tyler's biggest issues with Perry seems to be the female company he keeps (his wives and girlfriends are regularly ripped). Tyler is put off by the perceived lack of character in all of Perry's romantic partners and that they allegedly infringed on the business of the band, along with his own bro-mance with Perry. Tyler, it should be mentioned, expectedly writes about his own fair share of relationships, sexual conquests, and marital infidelities, so his beefs about Perry's relationships feel like petty jealousy. One of the book's nastier anecdotes has Tyler taking great glee in describing how he practically forced himself onstage at a lightly attended 2009 solo Perry show in New York City. Aerosmith bandmates Joey Kramer, Tom Hamilton, and Brad Whitford receive surprisingly sparse mention throughout the book, occasionally receiving some harsh words; one of those mentions I could have done without, though, where Tyler compares everyone's dick size.

Does The Noise In My Head Bother You?, not unlike Tyler's personality, tends to be somewhat all over the place, wandering occasionally from a linear timeline. This, along with the overly slick wordplay, makes it a challenging read, although I'll give him credit for seemingly holding back little about his colourful life and career.

Rating: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆

Man On The Train [film review]

Limited theatrical release in October 2011; now available on video on demand

My sole reason for watching Man On The Train was that it starred the drummer of my favourite band, U2's Larry Mullen Jr., in his film acting debut. Acting seems like an odd fit for Mullen - he may be the percussive anchor for the biggest band on the planet, but he's always seemed content to just blend into the background and keep a low profile (U2 fans were amazed when he took a starring role in the band's "Electrical Storm" video). Clearly, he had a creative scratch that he had to itch, which brings us to this remake of a 2002 French film, directed this time around by Ireland's Mary McGuckian. The verdict? Well, I won't be completely dismissive and say that Mullen shouldn't quit his day job...let's just say that things can only get better in his fledgling second career.

The plot: a mysterious man-with-no-name (literally...Mullen's character is credited as "The Thief" in the credits) arrives in a small town to rob the local bank and meets a stranger, a retired literary professor (played by Donald Sutherland, known only as "The Professor") whose house he ends up staying at through some very far-fetched circumstances. The loners strike up an unlikely friendship and spend most of the next 75 minutes of the film on a lot of overly ponderous conversation peppered with high-minded literary references, examining the paths their unfulfilled lives have taken and contemplating their own mortalities. Getting back to those "far-fetched circumstances"...they include The Thief ludicrously not bothering to check that there would be an open motel or hotel in the town where the bank he planned to rob was located (it's the tourist town's off-season and everything is conveniently closed), as well as the clunky manner in which the pair first meet. That happens in the local pharmacy as The Thief tries to buy some migraine pills, which he's told he needs a prescription for. The Professor, who just happens to be picking up his own prescription of migraine medication, offers the stranger six of his pills. The Thief, with a scowl on his face the entire time, takes them and exits the store without even a thanks. Apparently not put off by the rudeness, The Professor chases after The Thief and invites him to his house so he can take the medication with a glass of water. I include these specific details to illustrate how the film gets off on such flimsy footing in terms of the story's plausibility; it's downright jarring and the movie never recovers.

It's hard to wonder how much to knock Mullen for his one-note performance that doesn't demonstrate much range. The Thief requires little more than for the character to act stoic and like he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders. The problem is, it doesn't make for a very interesting or dynamic character and feels a little too close to the low-key persona that Mullen has projected to the public for over 30 years. Hopefully, his next acting gig will afford him the opportunity to take on something that allows him to register a presence on screen, which this role does not. I also felt too consciously aware that I was seeing Mullen's acting machinations whirring away, not unlike the way I feel after seeing Keanu Reeves act. I will give him credit for having the balls to act opposite a veteran like Sutherland, although the pair don't have much chemistry. Unfortunately, The Professor quickly wears out his welcome with his incessant chatter and insufferable personality.

Man On The Train is very much a two character piece and the fact that neither of them are remotely engaging is just one of its many problems. The film, which was shot in Orangeville, Ontario, is molasses-in-January slow and consistently just keeps the viewer at arm's length with its offbeat flow. Numerous scenes go nowhere (such as the diner scene), the ending is silly and confusing, there's an only-in-the-movies character who speaks once a day at 10:30 in the morning, and the film, admittedly low budget, looks and sounds fairly cheap. Mullen, along with musician Simon Climie, can also take the blame for the terrible soundtrack, which regularly recycles the grating, main pulsing theme of the film. Mullen may be "only the drummer" in U2, but he actually takes a bigger role than you'd expect when it comes to contributing to the band's songwriting process, which makes the amateurish work on the soundtrack here so surprising.

Sorry, Larry.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Steel Magnolia - Steel Magnolia [album review]

Released in January 2011 (part of an ongoing series of reviews covering older releases from the past year that "fell through the cracks")

Steel Magnolia's self-titled debut album came out just a little over a year ago now, but I still wanted to get a review done due to the fact that it emerged as probably my most pleasant musical surprise of 2011. The country-pop duo, made up vocalist/guitarist Joshua Scott Jones and vocalist Meghan Linsey, gained a relatively minor level of fame in a fairly dubious manner - they were the winners of the second season of CMT's Can You Duet, a cheesy music talent television reality show. Not exactly prestigious, but it did score them a recording deal. Combine that with their bland band name and it was two strikes against Steel Magnolia before I'd even heard a note. Normally, that's enough for me to move on to someone else in the crowded field of candidates in my never-ending search for a musical act that'll make my ears perk up. Still, the album review I read had piqued my interest enough to take a flyer on the duo and check out some songs. I'm glad I did.

Steel Magnolia turns out to be an impressively self-assured debut that immediately engages the listener with its pop melodies embellished by country music trimmings, such as banjo, fiddle, mandolin, and pedal steel guitar. Jones and Linsey's voices mesh well together and the sexual chemistry is hard to miss; not coincidentally, the pair are a couple and engaged (maybe...more on that later). Three songs from their 2010 EP appear on the album: "Keep On Lovin' You", "Edge Of Goodbye", and "Ooh La La". The latter track, along with the sexed up "Last Night Again", best demonstrate one of Steel Magnolia's greatest strengths, which is the swaggering, frequently flirtatious interplay between Jones and Linsey. Whether they're playfully scoping each other out in those songs' lyrics, or just straight up professing their deep feelings for one another in tracks like "Keep On Lovin' You", "Without You", "Rainbow" (which cleverly finds calypso-style steel drums sidling up with honky tonk banjoes), and an excellent cover of "Homespun Love" (a song from Keith Urban's early career), it all points to a comfort level between the couple that translates through their music. Most of the songs feature a back and forth vocal dynamic between Jones and Linsey, with a consistent level of harmonizing vocals also delivered by one of the singers when the other takes the main vocal lines. Two tracks deviate slightly from this method: "Bulletproof", a Linsey-led ode to resilience and the album's standout moment, and "Glass Houses", where Jones assumes the bulk of the vocal duties for the melancholy, waltzing album closer. It's the most blatantly country song on Steel Magnolia, taking its old school cues from the genre's '60s and '70s period. The album's only missteps are "Eggs Over Easy", a lightweight throwaway, and "Just By Being You (Halo And Wings)", which is actually solid musically, but undermined by the woeful sappiness of the lyrics (example: "I'll take off my halo/Yeah and I'll take off my wings/You don't have to be invincible 'cause I sure ain't no saint/You'll always be my angel no matter what you do/'Cause you take me to heaven just by being you"). Yuck.

Jones and Linsey demonstrate highly competent songwriting skills, as evidenced by the fact they wrote or co-wrote seven of the album's twelve tracks. Nashville mega-producer Dann Huff does a reliably first-class job in delivering a sonically and creatively pleasing effort that effectively incorporates pop and country, in the same vein of acts like Lady Antebellum and Sugarland, but with its own unique style. Many will dismiss Steel Magnolia as overly slick (I'd prefer to say "highly polished"), but this kind of music has its place.

Unfortunately, it looks like Steel Magnolia may be a one-off, as the duo's future appears to be in some doubt following the struggles of Jones, who entered rehab last September to treat a substance abuse problem. Curiously, Linsey continued to perform some scheduled Steel Magnolia concerts alone, before being joined for some dates by singer James Otto. Now comes word last week that the act has apparently left their record label and are no longer together in a professional (or, one would assume, personal) capacity.

Rating: ★★★★★★★★★☆